If you’re like millions of Americans, you probably believe last week’s Metrodome collapse happened on account of “heavy snowfall” and “record temperatures,” “classic occurrences” in Minnesota in December.
How terribly original of us! Uff da. We really gotchu good.
Here’s what really went down: We wanted to see the Minnesota Vikings’ 50th anniversary celebration happen on the U of M’s turf. (That, and we wanted to promote both The Vikings Reader and Gophers Illustrated, now 30% off–we couldn’t pick just one.) So we planted an idea. A seed of an idea that had the power to change everything. The gravity of the idea was huge, but the payoff even bigger. So we harnessed a team. We needed an Extractor to steal valuable secrets from deep within the subconscious while the mind is in a dream state and at its most vulnerable; an Architect to build the idea of a flattened dome; a Forger to get the team into and on top of the building; a Mark who was really, really ridiculously good at jumping and training the team to do so; a Potion Guy to concoct a mix so strong, it would allow the team to jump for an extended period of time without being noticed; a Tourist (that was easy — there were plenty of tourists in the area at the time), and a Point Man to tell the story later (that would be this author).
We thought this “jumping” plan would remain a secret. We executed the plan to perfection and diligently watched as events unfolded the way we had intended them to. Then we received a phone call from a certain person in Chicago. This person seemed to be on to us. It was just one simple idea that changed everything.
This is a purely fictional account based on a combination of real events and a comment from a Press friend and colleague in Chicago. Because this colleague lives in the area of the Minnesota Vikings’ opponent tonight, her motives are suspicious to us. It’s possible she planted a seed of an idea in our minds to get us to compile this blog post, call our motives into question, and somehow help the Chicago Bears to have an advantage in the game tonight. Time will tell.
Are you listening, Christopher Nolan? We call this INCEPTION 2: The Demise of the Dome of the Mind.
(We dare you to read this post again to the tune of this:)